People tell you to “be yourself” like that’s the easiest thing in the world. But at age 64, I’m just beginning to get the hang of it.
I wonder, is everyone else born with a clear identity and the guts to live it? Or do most people go around lying a lot? I kind of hope it’s the latter, because otherwise I’m even odder than I thought.
My life is not like the Facebook posts I see. It’s messy, confusing, challenging (and pretty great, actually). I’m full of hope and despair, joy and anger, gratitude and pity, clarity and fog…and a few threads that hold the whole thing together.
To be honest, I seem to learn the same lessons over and over. And over. I know, because I’ve been keeping a journal on and off since I was 18 (that’s a lot of years, not to mention journals). While I don’t look back at them often, I do it enough to see the recurring doubts and fears – as well as dreams and accomplishments.
One of the recent conflicts is this blog. I wonder why I’m doing it or if anyone cares, and I struggle with the technical side of things. Until now, that is. Now I’ve got Teresa Williams on my side, helping me recreate debzweb, reconsider its value, and return with new energy and enthusiasm.
So here we go again. Real life, real messy, real me.