It took me 60 years to understand—and act on—Thomas Merton’s words. (In the interest of humility, let me just say that I’ve never read Merton; I just like to collect quotes that resonate with me.)
What is pride? I think it’s the fear of being vulnerable or showing vulnerability. It’s the drive to “look good” at the expense of what we really want: intimacy, purpose and joy.
Some of us–by that, I mean me–have to go through hell to let go of self-defeating behaviors like this. I had to hit bottom to find humility and give up the pretense of being “together.”
I hope you find an easier way.
I don’t think my son had a choice, though; Ben couldn’t be anyone but himself. While that made his school years particularly painful, it’s what people love about him as an adult. When you talk to him, you feel that he’s right there. There are no filters or lies that come between you, nothing that separates you.
If that’s autism, maybe we need more of it.